Well I do. Me and bugs/insects are like two negative charges on magnets that should never attract. Except the bugs didn’t get the memo that I’m also negative, and swarm to bite me as if I were positive! Gah! If you’ve ever seen me after getting bit by a bug, any bug, mosquitoes more often than any other insects, you would know that I swell up like crazy and turn all red. It’s not a pretty sight.
So while babysitting on Sunday, some stupid insect has the nerve to bite me! It even worked its way under my jeans to bite my ankle! Stupid ninkumpoop. Anyways, so I get bit, right? And it starts itching 10 minutes later, but no swelling yet. Phewf, I thought I was in the clear. Ha! I get home about 3 hours later and my ankle is already the size of a golf ball. Well, it just looks like I have a golf ball under my skin. I automatically try to ignore the itching, redness, and swelling and act as if it’s a regular bug bite. I mean it’s not like I’ve never had one before that drove me absolutely insane…
So today, Tuesday, I wake up and my ankle now looks like a tennis ball! And it’s starting to ooze out where the little twarp of a bug bit me, and its bruising, which isn’t at all characteristic of a regular bite. So I bump my worry up a notch. Around 10:30 am I was really worried, as it hurt to even walk on my foot. Now I have no choice but to call my doctor and pray that she has an opening to see me after class. Sadly, no opening, but she would try to work me if I went in after 2.
1:45, I arrive in her office and 10 minutes later she takes me in. Halleluiah! The nurse then comes in and takes a look at my pathetic looking ankle and unnecessarily freaks me out by warning me it could be a staph infection. Great, just what I needed. Shortly after Dr. Davis walks in. Before I go any further let me just describe her to you- She’s a sweet, petite old lady with sophisticated red rimmed glasses that sit on the tip of her nose and has surprisingly room-temp hands, unlike the freezing hands of the stereotypical doctor. So you get the picture that’s she’s sweet and even a little southern… Anyways, she looks at me and says, “Wow, hunny, those pesky bugs just love you!” Oh joy. After explaining how sensitive I am to these bug attacks and pleading with her to get me allergy tested, get some cool shot to make this all go away, or take meds the rest of my life, she sweetly says, “Sorry hunny, but this is how the good Lord made you, and there’s nothing we can do to fix it. It sucks to be you.” And I didn’t embellish any of it, I promise, that was word for word what she said. My frustration was slightly subdued by the cuteness of her conclusion about my annoying reactions to bug bites. She did note that if I wanted to I could look into natural healing remedies and oils to see if they would work at all… (little light bulb in head turns on and flashes “Mrs. Journey! Mrs. Journey! She’s got the answer!”) Dr. Davis was kind enough to give me a shot (gah I forget what it’s called) but pretty much a steroid to make the swelling and itching go away. Then prescribed me not one, not two, but three different meds for the stupid tennis ball on my ankle! An antibiotic capsule, an antibiotic cream, and another steroid (I promise I read the prescription bottles but they are not close by right now and I can’t remember how to spell them).
This is ridiculous! One stupid, insensitive, no-good, stupid, horrible, terrible bug has got me drugged! What’s this world coming to?!
Ok, I’ll stop venting now. Goodnight ya’ll.
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